What’s green and eats porridge?


Why did the computer cross the road?
It was programmed by a chicken.

Two goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day… couldn’t find any.

What do Winnie the pooh and Kermit the frog have in common?
The same middle name.

What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt.

I was wondering why that frisbee was getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.

What’s pink and slippery?
A pink slipper.

What goes “Ooooo”?
A cow with no lips.

What do you call a rabbit flying a plane?
The pilot.

David Hasslehoff walks into a bar and says, “Just call me Hoff!”. The barman says: “Sure Dave, no hassle!”

A man loses his dog, so he puts an advert in the paper. The advert reads “Here boy!”

“Why did the chicken cross the road?”
“I don’t know.”
“To get to your house!”
Then you pause while they look confused, and then say “Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“It’s the chicken!”

Last night I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow. When I woke up my pillow was gone.

I used to date a dolphin, we just clicked.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, the whole time we were going out she was seeing someone else.

What is green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.

Where do pilots go fishing?
In the jet stream.

What’s yellow and dangerous?
Shark-infested custard.

Where do fish go on their holidays?

Why was the beach wet?
Because the sea weed.

How do you get rid of a boomerang?
Throw it down a one-way street.

Why is the sky so high?
So that birds don’t bump their heads.

Haikus are easy
Some do not make sense