Jokes pt 3

Where do otters come from?
Otter space.

I know someone that speaks like an owl.
(Who?)

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

I can’t stand being in a wheelchair.

I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.

Never trust an atom. They make up everything.

Diarrhea is hereditary … It runs in your jeans.

I went on a once in a lifetime holiday. Never again.

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

Velcro. What a rip-off.

Don’t you hate it when people answer their own questions? I do.

I’m reading a book on anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down.

Interviewer: Describe yourself in three words…
Interviewee: Lazy

Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

When is the best time to buy baby chickens? When they are going cheep.

What did the king say when he looked out the window? Oh, another reigny day.

What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.

What do you call sad coffee? Despresso.